I called it a day.

A few days ago I wrote an article about the regathering of the prominent, warmblooded XYLOGZ for the preparation of the upcoming birthday of Teacher Judith(our beloved) that I considered a tragedy. In my own view, it was not merely a reunion of the children of Teacher Judith but also a tune-up of old grudges and negative vibes we created before we created from high school(call it the Sir Aglu’s Code, a counterpart of the Da Vinci Code, established during our high school recollection). I blamed that negativity(plus the wrong time) to the unexpected tears produced by Gladys, our friend.

But now, I refuse to finish it and decided to leave it hanging because this night is a different story I’m going to narrate, a story that is taste of a sweet and sour.

Teacher Judith’s birthday means a reunion. I arrived at our meeting place in the knick of time, but unfortunately there were only a few who appeared. You know how Filipino time works. So instead of a three-in-the-afternoon-sharp meeting, some XYLOGZ managed to come late as expected. Again, we’re just a few minus one who withdrew his attendance(he even mumbled profanities in dismay) to the visitation prior to the birthday of Teacher Judith.

Teacher Judith’s birthday means fun. We got hugs and kisses(the reward we got for traveling far and it’s worth it) from our beloved mother  and that’s how our fun started. We ate(of course!) and later in the evening was a total catching-up session. We talk and talk(and others drink and drink) until our throats hurt. Heh heh.

Teacher Judith’s birthday means love. As we bade goodbye, we expressed our gratitude to each other(as we have in our picture-takings ek-ek) and love to our only mother who showed us that Whitney Houston is wrong, that the greatest love of all is not purely loving yourself  but a loving which comes from a mother. Teacher Judith has given that to us.

Yeah, I mentioned sweet and sour earlier, right? Sweet because I enjoyed every moment of it, the laughs, the chitchattings, the bonding, all. Sour because I went lonely at the middle of the event to the point that it made made me worry about the future, thinking of the what-ifs I choose to keep. And if that happens, XYLOGZ will go crying and eventually dispersed. I don’t want that(hope so you know the underlying idea I’m getting at).

Anyhow, sour moments are not worthy to reminisce. They’re meant to be least considered. Only sweet moments are valuable to be cherished for a lifetime. Ergo, I called it a day.

I am not created to perfection

I choose to be good

But being good does no good to me

From left to right, there is a negative reaction,

Reactions that would run  forever and long.

I always do wrong

Don’t think I am street smart

Because in reality I am not

Blunders are part of my norms

Feeling tormented is a thing for me

Life is not wonderful and lovely

I define it best as damned and scary.

I always do wrong

Call me blasphemous and I admit that

Hello?! I am not a church brat here

Though prayer is my habit as precious as myrrh

I do bad things and those are shits

From large to small, from bytes to bits.

I always do wrong

My logic is totally terrible

You can barely call it intelligible

I don’t reason for it ushers trouble

I don’t give answers for all of them are wrong

‘Cause no one defends that all of them are right.

I always do wrong

I don’t have talents to boot

I don’t sing, I don’t dance and I don’t speak

My writing style is like a pipe with a leak

I don’t impress people ’cause I disappoint them;

My hopes and dreams are nowhere to be seen.

I always do wrong

I don’t hold prestige, money and fame

I am not a leading man material

I am alone in a place that’s surreal,

I can’t attract a crowd of people

I am without a face, a fashion, a dimple.

I always do wrong

I don’t follow instructions

When the examiner tells me to shade it

I either encircle, underline or leave it

I don’t know how to concatenate technical connections

And I am not a problem solver, a solution decoder.

I always do wrong

I’m stupid, distraught and careless

Distrust me, it is all okay

Don’t ask for blessings, I don’t bless

I damage everything, that’s my way

Bad words and blatancy always makes my day.

I always do wrong

And I am not worthy for love

People fail to recognize my care

That they could barely give my share

They don’t miss me, so they leave me

As if I’m not part of their hierarchy.

I always do wrong

I don’t compose a love song

For my heart has hardened, even long before

Metal from veins, to arteries, to its deepest core

Grudge has closed the doors for happiness

And I am ready for a whole lot of mess.

I always do wrong

That’s why friends quickly forget me

‘Cause I don’t own a statue of values and dignity

They see me as their darkest enemy

What if tomorrow I’ll be helpless and dying?

Will they cry for me? Or stand there laughing?

I always do wrong

And they’re greedy when it comes to me

They avoid me as if  I am a mishap

“A child of hell(what an ironic backslap)!”

What should I do for them to accept me?

What should I do for them to respect me?

I always do wrong

I search for a group to belong

But they let me live on my own

A hurtful event that cause me to moan

Is my best not enough to boast?

From plains to valleys, from coast to coast?

I always do wrong

My parents treat me as a blacksheep

And I’m into a family that is shattered

I am not part of the plan, a mistake- absurd

I don’t know why how negative they think

Am I that bad? Worser than worst?

Yes, I always do wrong

A sinner due to sacrilege, a cursed emblem

I live a life that is unholy yet solemn

I am shutting up my mouth for the shame I got

As I am hiding the feelings, the emotions and the spite,

As I am in total darkness, away from light!

I am wrong

And forever will be!